There are people who go searching for the bad in others, with an almost insatiable bloodlust. They are the masters of emotional entrapment: goading and antagonising situations – either knowingly or unknowingly – in order to bring out your ugly parts. In order to prove to themselves that you are, in fact, the monster they suspect you to be. And here’s the thing about those people – the ones who are always seeing the ugliness in others: they are the ones who cannot see anything else in themselves.
They’re the ones with demons that are bigger than you, bigger than your relationship, bigger than you will ever be able to battle on their behalf. The people who are looking for the worst parts of other people are doing so because they want company in the way they see themselves. And here’s something I wish I had learned very early on in life: If someone only sees your ugliness, leave.
Don’t be with someone who is searching to expose all your dark parts. Don’t give yourself over to a person who is committed to believing the worst in everyone they meet. Because there is absolutely ugliness inside of you. There’s ugliness inside of all of us. But there’s also goodness. And compassion. And honesty. And integrity, and strength. And which parts of ourselves prevail just depends on which parts we call upon. So be with someone who calls upon your strengths.